Yellowstone and Hugging

Is Yellowstone actually yellow? Whenever you see it on TV it’s either covered in snow or Bison shit. Yellowstone is a volcano, which produces sulphur which is yellow. I am looking at Yellowstone, I am staring into the sulphur ridden abyss. No need for larva the smell will kill me. How are those teeth so yellow? I can’t stop looking though. It’s like watching plastic surgery documentaries. The problem is I keep having to talk to him. This is the torture that we must endure at the beginning of the year. Once again it’s like our own private torture of useless crap that we really don’t need to know. We all spend the day watching the clock and wondering who will be the first to fall asleep. We’re also forced to work with people. This week I was actually told to stand up, turn to the person next to me then...hug them. I did not hug. I do not hug. I displayed my pen like a weapon and made my feelings very clear. Apparently at this time of year we all suffer from some very specific, work related Alzheimer’s. This leads to higher management telling us what we did last year.

“Holy fuck we had students, you are shitting me. We had TWO inspections. TWO? Wow I would never had known if you hadn’t fucking told me”

Clasping my pen its one of those occasions where I would consider my own death before others. It would just take too long to work my way through to the bastard at the front as he attempts to get us to turn to the right and massage the person’s shoulders. Fucking touch me and I will crush your oesophagus with my note pad.

I wouldn’t mind the constant reminders of what I did last year if it was done in a more exciting way. If senior management appeared to walk out of a blue police call box, I’d spurt geek everywhere and my mind would be distracted enough thinking of playing with my sonic screwdriver at home to consider the insult that I was suffering a debilitating brain disease. It’s not just the past that management are interested in it’s also the future. What are we going to do this year?

Well all those things that we agreed at the end of last year because let’s face it if I’ve turned up 2 weeks before the students arrived with no clue what I’m doing I wouldn’t be employed. We’ve had this meeting already. So it’s not even the future. It’s still the past. It’s still repeating what we did last year.

“Oh my god! Is that what I have to do? I had no idea. I have never EVER heard this all before”

These conferences all require us to work with others hence Yellowstone. The death breath is circling the room. I have placed a seat between us to keep some distance and yet he leans over. I choke down my vomit and the quality of my answers depletes as I now think about crying in the shower and scrubbing with a Brillo pad.

I’m keeping this short because I must now go and do this.