MockSted and a whole lot of other bad ideas

Ass-plant: the process where your head is replaced by your ass resulting in a continuous pattern of thinking and talking shit; a necessary procedure for higher management. This results in a lot of fucking stupid ideas and an idiotic tendency for pushing two words together in the formation of a fucking stupid idea. For instance: MockSted. I can only assume that this is further continuation of the ass obsession and the sexual high it apparently brings to watch everyone else's tighten. MockSted, in case anyone has had one of those days that diminishes brain function, is a practice OfSted. This is the brain child of our principal, a man who everyone really needs to stop laughing with because it's just ENCOURAGING HIM!. We are enabling him to tell us even more terrible jokes that are usually reserved for embarrassing dads at weddings and are made even worse by his monotone. The end of year meeting was an abysmal display of ass-kissing. He told 2 very long, exceptionally awful jokes to which everyone roared with laughter and I maniacally looked around crying "stop it. What are you doing you fools?" Much to my line managers amusement and despair. (I love it when you do naughty things in front of her, it's entertaining to watch her brain battle over being amused or managerially upset). I believe this dismal display of ring lubrication has led to a confidence that made him think we would like him no matter how bad it got. So what did he do? He went and tested that conclusion with a MockSted. This has led to the tension in the office increasing tenfold and of course lots of meetings. The saving grace of our principal is that we don't have to see him often as we are on a different site, our area manager however.... Well there's nothing that is going to save him from the hatred of the people. Actually there may be something but it includes bathing with a wire brush and a personality transplant. One might compare some of his mannerisms with a camp gay but that would be doing them a great injustice. With a gay brother (camp when he's drunk), I can honestly say he pulls those movements off with much more finesse. He's just got a face that says "punch me" and a hairstyle that's says "you'll come out of it covered in grease". He does the "air quote" sign, with one finger, All The Time. When he's not "air quoting" he's pinching the skin beneath his chin. How does someone have that much chin skin? This is all before he's even opened his mouth. This was mainly put to use this week in our 'MockSted readiness' meeting where he proceeded to tell us lots of things that I didn't notice, some stuff I did and sickened me to the point of vomiting (standard vomit not rainbow) as I had to endure him sucking on his favourite team member: Steeeeve. Steeeve knows the answers to everything. Steeeve can do anything. Steeeve stole two of my lesson plans this week! That's right people, perfect Steeeve is stealing MY IDEAS. OK stealing is a bit harsh, he asked to use them and then have me explain them. God damn it I even had to relinquish my last bag of skittles. The likelihood of me getting inspected next week is pretty low due to some genius forward planning and an off-site trip. The likelihood of Steeeve getting inspected is pretty high. Steeeve will get an outstanding. Steeeve will be giving that outstanding to me. He's not aware of this yet. However if he does not acknowledge my contribution I will take revenge 'girl with the dragon tattoo' style and tattoo abusive phrases across his head. I know we're a team and I don't have anything against Steeeve. Yes I have wanted to staple his fingers to his desk a few times but in all seriousness I cannot express the effort that I have put into these lessons and no one wants their best ideas sold as someone else's. I get enough of that from the HE manager, but that's a whole other story......a really really BIG one. (She's fat). 

In the one lesson that I may be observed next week the students will be re-vamping enclosures. One enclosure they are doing however has made me think this may be a giant mistake. I don't really care for rodents and I really don't care for rats. I've handled a lot of snakes (don't let your mind go there), and not been bitten. I've been bitten by nearly every rat I've handled. I had a pet rat when I was little. She was the bitch queen of rats. She was the empress of evil. She once made my sister bleed so bad she was probably anaemic afterwards. I have never been so happy for an animal to die! So, considering all of this why the hell would I let my students do a gambian pouched rat enclosure? Do you know what a gambian pouched rat is? It's a giant fucking rat! I blame one person for this and its not me. It was her stupid idea. Yes she may be my friend and the best person to do training with because she actually makes it fun (she is now encouraged not to go to these things because she can't be trusted to behave). However if that thing rips out my throat I'm going to designate her my speaking bitch and whack her every time she says something wrong. That's just what friends do. I can only hope that my gushing blood does not reflect poorly on my outstanding lesson.